Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
