Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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