i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
