she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
