I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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