i can't believe i had my finger in that
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
