Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
