There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
