Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
