Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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