The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
