____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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