So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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