i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
