My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
