I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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