I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
