Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
