he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
