my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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