should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
