How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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