i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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