dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I need a beard to bite.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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