saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize