my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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