Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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