Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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