Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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