My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
