It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
