R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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