I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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