My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
