what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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