I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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