i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
