We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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