I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
