I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
