Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
