if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
