Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
