I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
