For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my poor anus
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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