dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
