all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
