Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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