Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
