I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
