Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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