I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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