just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think i have two assholes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
