Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
