Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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