I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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