sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize