Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
