Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
