What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
