he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he shaved USA in his pubs
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
