Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
